Infatuation by Emilly May Stock, South Kensington,UK v09 Nov07
There was a pause. Their eyes locked. They were standing opposite one another, transfixed. The lights had gone down, and the music had stopped, or so it seemed, at this point neither of them could care less if anyone had noticed the tension in the air. They knew it was wrong, but the history between them was far too intense to discard their feelings. How it happened, neither of them understood, but they realised in this moment what they had been missing all these years, and that was each other, then it happened, he passionately…
“Hello? Is anyone home? Can you tell me where I can find Mrs Coven?”
Rachel’s eyes widened and her whole body shook like she had been woken up from a dream, when in fact, she had been role playing in her mind over a certain man that worked in the opposite room to her Reception desk and this imbecile had just snapped her out of her fantasy!
With her eyes rolling, she replied unenthused “Number 432, on fourth floor, just go up”. The only good thing about her job was Billy Crinsky. She wasn’t sure whether it had been through boredom that she developed her crush, however it had been going on for months and was now borderline bunny boiler!
When Rachel first met Billy, she knew he was attractive, and melted each time she heard his Irish accent however she found him rather arrogant with an aggressive nature so she was never interested. Until, she had the dream! Rachel had woken up feeling happy one morning after having a random dream about Billy kissing her. From that moment, whenever she saw him during the day, she started blushing and sweating every time!
Finally after a two week holiday she spent in Fiji, she arrived back to work glowing and refreshed. That was the moment Billy noticed.
“Hey Rachel, I have missed you where have you been? You look great!”
Oh my god oh my god oh my god were the words being repeated in her head as she realised then and there that he was still as beautiful as ever and had also cut off his long hair to make him look even more attractive. While her heart was pushing its way out of her chest and on to the reception desk, her whole head and face were heating up like a boiling kettle and not to mention the colour of her skin changing to a bright pink – She smiled sweetly and replied “Hi Billy, I went to Fiji for two weeks and it was really sunny” Her enemy within shouted out at her “Why say that you idiot, he knows it was sunny from the colour of your skin – you have totally messed it up now”. He smiled, walked out the door, and that was Rachel’s queue to pick up the phone and tell every last detail to her friend and colleague Sarah in the other building.
It was while sipping her coffee, staring at the computer, and shopping on ebay, with one earphone in her ear listening to Capital FM on a Monday morning when, although Rachel couldn’t stand her job, she was content to be at work knowing she was going to possibly strike up a conversation with Billy. She would plan different subjects to bring up so there would be no awkward silences, and every time she opened her mouth, nothing would come out, and in that fraction of a second – he would walk past her, through the doors, having ignored her, again. And yes, she was well aware that she sounded psychotic but convinced herself this infatuation had developed from having nothing to do during the day but sit and daydream!
Friday afternoon, Rachel had always given up on Billy by this day of the week and was concentrating on finding a new job, or looking at photos on facebook, or something else not related with day dreaming or practically drooling over her keypad, and yes, that had happened once or twice, which she never admitted to anybody.
“So when are we going to go on a date Rachel?” The voice sounded familiar, and she felt confused. As she looked up, there he was, standing over her, looking into her eyes, and this was definitely no dream. The heat rose from beneath and made her face bright red that she clashed with his jumper, yes, it was Billy.
Rachel just laughed, and answered “Oh hi Billy, I have a letter here for you”. He stood for a moment, smiled, and walked off opening his letter. She blew it.
Weeks went by, and nothing else was said about the “date”. So many times Rachel wanted to either email, or even mention in passing as a ‘joke’ – however she would only have to blush for him to realise it was for real, so she chose the safe option, to save her pride, self respect, and dignity, all of which she pretty much lost when she had tripped up in front of him the week previous. And it wasn’t just a slight trip, it was skirt hitched up, shoe flown off, falling over post trolley and into the lift while she was talking to him about her weekend. That was one of the most embarrassing moments she had ever had, and swore to herself she wouldn’t speak to him again after that.
He would sign for his parcels, and mention how nice her hair was, and that she smelt nice, but Rachel would just smile and reply the most ridiculous lines, like “But my hair is greasy” and “Thanks, it’s not my perfume”. She would be screaming at herself inside to just shut up but her mouth had carried on as if another person was talking. There would be no date. Yet she still had faith, until the short, curvaceous brunette, wearing a mini skirt arrived at reception with a smug look on her face asking where Billy’s office was. He came out of the doors minutes after all dressed to perfection, linked her arm and they walked out the door.
Imagine the feeling you get when someone has ripped open your chest, taken out your heart, squeezed it, laughed at it, and thrown it into the road? That doesn’t compare to how Rachel felt at that precise moment, almost like a betrayed girlfriend. If only he had remembered their near kiss at last year’s Christmas party. He had leaned forward under the mistletoe and she moved away to pick up a free drink from the table through fear of biting him, or missing his mouth, or something silly that was typical of Rachel to do in that situation. So many chances missed, it was almost like fate. It just wasn’t meant to be.
Time passed on, Rachel started feeling a little bitter towards him and his new girlfriend. For all she knew, it could have been his sister, his cousin, his friend, or even his gay friend but she felt it was better to think the worst possible so to prepare herself for yet another heart plunge.
He successfully made that happen on August 8th, when he walked straight over to Rachel and told her he had been made redundant. She tried asking him to go for drinks, but never got the chance as he was always rushing out the door or on the phone, or with colleagues. On his last day, she gave him a card that read inside
“To Billy, you will be missed here. Good luck & take care, Rachel”.
She came in the following day feeling sad that he had gone, but realising it wasn’t meant to be, and started focusing on looking for jobs. As she turned on her computer, and looked in her inbox, she saw one received, unread message.
“I never got the courage to ask you out, you always seemed too preoccupied. I will miss you. Call me if you ever want to go on that date. Billy.”
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