Worried?                 --by Molly Elise, Corvallis, Oregon   Sept07

    Worried about the future? Concerned about war and world hunger and global warming? Chill out. We'll be screwed over far before the climate change sets in. How do I know this? Simple. I am watching the Teen Choice Awards. But, of course, not for more than 30 seconds at a time. I can only endure so much before I burst into tears of sadness and fear and alarm and oh-my-god-we're-all-going-to-die.

How are we going to combat global warming and rape and war and poverty and cancer and AIDS and drug use and homicide and depression and teenage pregnancy and inflation and illiteracy and obesity and oil spills and WMDs and world hunger and homelessness and habitat destruction and racism and sexism and censorship and hatred and fascism and appalling health care and religious fanatics and poaching and deforestation and overpopulation and steroids and STDs and prostitution and the common cold?

We're busy sending a Disney-princess-turned-wannabe-popstar-slut and a Nickelodeon-star-turned-wannabe-gangsta to present a plastic surfboard to the "Hottie of the Year" for his exceedly bad acting and singing in his Disney Channel Movie, otherwise known as "The Musical About Teenagers of Different Racial and Socioeconomic Backgrounds Becoming Friends While Dancing and Singing Meaningless Almost-Rhymes About Important Life Values, As The Lead Characters Fall in OMGTRUVLUV!!! and Save the Day"

Oh my god. Now Nick Cannon is rapping to Hilary Duff. Well, trying to rap. And not only that, but the lyrics to the rap were "I'm making this up on the spot/I would have paid more attention to you if I knew you would grow up to be so hot!" Very nice, Nick. Also, Hilary Duff is wearing something that appears to be a shirt made out of a curtain. And all the tweenyboppers are screaming in delight because they get to see all their drugged-up, oversexed, faketanned, brainwashed idols from the Disney Channel and MTV and American Idol [of course] presenting awards like "Best Hissy Fit" and "Best Liplock" and [I'm serious] "Choice OMG! Moment" to Ryan Seacrest and Jessica Alba and Orlando Bloom and 23098 "gangstas" that all look/talk/act/sing exactly the same, not to mention all the awards going Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and Fergie and Oh-My-God-Could-There-Be-Any-Worse-Role-Models-For-These-Children?!?

But of course, I'm not allowed to criticize. Because I am, after all, writing this on Facebook.

But seriously. Does this worry you too?

      Email the author    

main / photos / jokes / stories / health / books / opinion / submissions / links / awards / e-mail to editor