Somber Euphoria            by: Jiyang Chen

    At what point do you draw the line where the mechanical order of
everyday existence ends and creativity and artistry originate? The endeavors of
mankind stretch wide and far, and none are as spectacular and mysterious as the
art of music making, and the successful interpretations and definitions that
have accompanied this poetic medium extend to the soul and essence of our
emotions and passions. Music can impart in us a feeling of melancholy and
sorrow, rapture and euphoria. Many have studied the classical instruments
through lessons and tutoring, but few have the perseverance and willpower to
continue seriously in the analytical and technical studies of music and
instrument to appoint this as their vocation of preference. Thus begins my
story of my experiences of hardship, boredom, and accomplishments with the
piano.
    I started the piano at a little under age four in China. I played
on a Pearl River upright that my grand parents bought for me that sounded like a
disembodied, soulless living thing that had contradictory voices challenging
every note I played. Practicing exercised my frustration; attempting to get all
the notes correctly with a strict parent next to me for two hours a day
paralleled torture. Playing over and over again to get the correct notes and
proper hand movements led to an experience of hair pulling, wrist cutting, self
stabbing, eye gouging frustration; these frustrations were attackers that
assailed my mind like torpedoes attacking a ship in an array of constant
bombardments of anger and wrath. Parents in China labored their kids to study
classical instruments in hopes of achieving a hardworking and diligent child.
My parents never hoped for me to study piano seriously as an adult, for they
only wished to bring up a child with worthy study habits and perseverance. For
years I labored through endless Czerny exercises and scales, which I later
learned to appreciate, since these compositions of perpetual motion had
developed basic technique needed for later and more advanced pieces requiring
more than just "chops". With the exception of an occasional piece of Bach, I
played mostly exercises and etudes that stressed redundancy and strict finger
movements. These four years contained misery and boredom, which at times
reached such a severe level of hatred for the piano; I resembled not the
children with the natural love of the instrument who could practice eight hours
a day without complaint. My parents did not permit me the freedom to halt my
playing when I became bored and strained me to play at least two hours every
day. How I desired to cease the practice of the piano and go play outside with
the other kids! I became so wearied of the pieces I was playing that often I
would kick the piano and smash and tear off the keys and cry like a little girl
to vent my torment and anguish. Those black and white keys were my adversaries;
how I desired to shatter those pieces of plastic and wood into tiny fragments so
they were irreparable, and I would never have to play that cursed thing again in
my life! Even from an early age, the feeling of nervousness has accompanied
every important piano competition or performance. Chopin once wrote, "I am not
fitted to give concerts. The public frightens me, I feel suffocated by its
panting breath, paralyzed by its curious glance, mute before those unknown
faces." I dread public performances, and I am always under heavy stress days
before a major concert or recital. I constantly dread that I commit a
significant error in the middle of a playing and embarrass myself in front of
all the people.
    I moved to the United States at the age of eight, an event eight
years ago that I still remember as clear as day. Pieces that I played no longer
lingered in the territory of technical exercises, and I had roamed into the area
of real music. Here is where the real differences between making music and
simply playing notes occurred. Many people don't realize that there lies a lot
more to simply playing the notes; many can play the notes, but few can play it
from the depths of their souls. This is accomplished by conveying emotions
through music, escaping the usual dull playing that many people execute
containing neither dynamics nor any melodic flow and without any thought put
into the music. Claudio Arrau, an extraordinary classical pianist who practiced
up to thirteen hours a day as a child, once said, "Interpretation is a synthesis
of the world of the composer and the world of the interpreter." One of the
unique aspects of making music is the ability to relate one's personal
experiences to the music, and once you see a bridge connecting the spirit to the
writings of the composer, you have accomplished what many cannot. Pianist
Lhevinne commented on the wide majority of young pianist playing without any
passion when he wrote, "Thousands of pianoforte recitals are given in the great
music centres of the world by aspiring students every year. They play their
Liszt Rhapsodies.often with most commendable accuracy, but with very little of
the one great quality which the world wants and for which it holds its highest
rewards - Beauty."
    I began to enjoy playing the piano after moving to the United States when I
could play music that I like, because I had develop enough of the technique
needed to play advanced music well without enduring the hardships that I had
overcome to develop basic technique. It's a poetic medium of expression to
represent poetry, imagery emotion, sentiment and fancy, and I have come to
realize the fine line between technical, mechanical playing to beautiful music
making. People ask me how I could sit down and play for so long without being
discouraged by the dullness of practice. I can only say that it is the love of
the music and the being able to relate my personal experiences of hardship,
happiness, and sadness into the music and to convey this message to audience.

          Email this author / back to top / back to opinion
main / photos / jokes / stories / health / books / opinion / submissions / links / awards / e-mail to editor