Finally Realising   by Emma Jeffries   Feb 2005

    "It’s been two years and I can still hear her voice echoing in my head and the ear piercing scream she let out as we skidded off the highway and slammed into a tree. I still can’t figure out what actually caused the crash that I survived and she didn’t. If it was my choice I would have died rather than live the life I’m living, wondering when Dad’s finally going to accept me." I told my psychiatrist Dr. Paula Bearings.
    "Samantha as I’ve told you many times before, everything happens for a reason. Even though your mother has passed away, it doesn’t mean she’s dead to you. She’s still in your heart, you just have to find her." Replied Dr. Bearings.

    My Mother died when I was fourteen years old, two years ago today. I’m Sam Corey, a tall, blond haired, pale skinned skater girl. I’ve lived with my twenty-one year old brother Matt ever since I got out of hospital after the crash. My twin sister Ricki-Lee lived with Dad, my stepmother Claudia, Stepbrothers Chris eighteen, Nick fifteen and my stepsister Elle who just turned thirteen. Dads always blamed me for Mum’s death and for punishment made me live in a poor household in the wrong type of neighborhood but if it was my choice I would have chosen to live with Matt anyway. Sometimes I feel so lonely and left out it was like I just wanted to crawl up and die!

    "Matt did anyone call while I was out?" I called down the hall as the front door slammed behind me.
    "Yeah Ricki did, she said you have to call her tonight because Dad needs to talk to you" he replied.
    "Fine," I grumbled. I hated seeing Dad and his happy family. I headed to my room but before I got there the phone rang.
    "Samantha, I’ll be picking you up in ten minutes. Make sure you’re neat and tidy by the time I get there, bye," my Father spoke and before I had a chance to respond he had hung up. I hurried into my room and shut the door. I quickly pulled on my baggy skate jeans and an old t-shirt I had found under my bed, I think it belonged to my brother. I grabbed my wallet and mobile and headed out the front door with a brush in my hand. As I waited impatiently, I pulled a brush through my messy blond hair. Dad pulled up in his brand new car. I climbed into the backseat next to Ricki-lee as she threw her now black hair over her shoulder and pretended to cough and gag as I slid in beside her.
    All the way to Dad’s house we rode in silence. It’s like Dad thinks if he doesn’t open his mouth I might disappear! Well I wished I had those types of powers, but oh well. I knew it was going to be something bad before Dad had even motioned me to sit down at the dining room table with Claudia. Everyone else had disappeared to their rooms. So it had to be bad news.
    My Father cleared his throat, definitely not a good sign. "Samantha, your step mum and I have decided to move the kids to America because I’ve just been promoted, which means more money for my children."
    "You mean for yourselves and Ricky-Lee!" I spat and ran off into the night. I was about to head to my boyfriend Luke’s place but remembered he was out fishing with Steve. I couldn’t help but let the tears slide down my face as my whole world finally broke down. All the fear and emotions I had kept cooped up were now flowing out. I ran hysterical down the alleyway almost blindly. It was too late before I noticed Tristan and his gang. Before I knew it Kurt had me pinned up against the tree as Tristan groped me and tried to stick his slimy alcohol soaked tongue in my mouth. A few minutes passed and I couldn’t think, finally I had the guts to knee Kurt in the groin. I pushed the stunned Tristan off me. I ran straight down my street and into my house without looking back. I finally reached me bedroom door and locked it and sank to the floor still crying. I reached up for my razor which I kept on my bedside table. I’d never felt as alone before as my hands trembled. I’d never cut myself before and never thought I would have the need to. I put the razor on my wrist slowly I slid the blade in and down. Blood slowly soaked my arm and clothes as I sunk into the carpet.
    Before I knew it Matt had broken down my door, he must have heard me crying and grabbed hold me. "Sammi, Sammi, Sammi, don’t do this to me baby. Don’t worry about Dad and his family or that sister of ours. Don’t hurt yourself they aren’t worth it. Just because he can’t see what a great person you are doesn’t mean no one else does. What about me hey? What about Luke and your friends, how would they feel if they knew you did this? What do you think Mum would say if she saw you now, Sam?" Matt couldn’t stop crying.
    It didn’t matter that my Father no longer cared or needed me because I had Mum who would always be in my heart and I finally realised that.

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