Stuck In The Middle    by Nick Bever                 Mar 2003

	I ran into my past self today. He was just walking by me, pushed on by 
the constant ebb and flow of the city, and as he raised his frozen downward gaze to 
meet my eyes, I could perceive within him a world of impossibility. His feet trod lightly through the 
labyrinth of steel and concrete, tracing out a dull path along a road which had already been walked by 
countless others before him. He had a hopelessness about him that seemed seconds away from spinning me 
deeply into its psychotic vortex. He was a horizon of darkness that seemed to stretch on forever that threatened to 
consume me whole if I had looked too deeply within him. He seemed to plead with me for help. Out from behind his 
piercings and tattoos--the scars of a life spent in constant subservience to a greater whole--I could faintly see someone 
despairing to be found. Someone desperate to be created. Frightened of what I beheld, I found myself desperate to look 
away, longing to be carried far away from this phantasm of my former self. I closed my eyes for the briefest of moments, 
dwelling on what I had just seen, and then opened them to the realization that life had carried him away. I ran into my past 
self today, and the hate welled up from within me. The hatred of a wasted life, a potential forever lost to the ravages of time. 
I suddenly became bombarded with all the wasted moments of my life. All the 'what if's and 'maybe's torn themselves from 
beneath my thoughts and demanded to be heard. It took me to the very limits of pain, and then in one instant, it was gone, but 
the effects of it were far-reaching, and long lasting.
    I ran into my future self today. He sharply and confidently strutted his way across the sidewalk making his way past 
me without so much as a thought put toward my existence. I looked deep into his eyes, and saw the path I was to take in life; 
the path that led to money, and material. I envied him, as this man seemed to be able to part the crowd with a single gesture. 
Men and women alike cast sideways glances in his direction as he slipped by them--some wanting to be him, and some 
wanting to love him. As for me, I took up residence with both. I ran into my future self today, and found that I envied him. I 
could see that as he walked down the street, he exuded power and authority. He seemed to take the city by the hand and lead 
it to and fro according to his whims, and it was glad to follow. A man like this was one to be followed, and I envied him; 
however, I looked deep within him and saw what I hadn't seen in the past. A wasted life, a potential forever lost to the ravages 
of time. I saw this and drew my sideways glance back up to meet the city head on.
	I ran into my past and future selves today. They each drew close to me, whispering in my ear, but in the end all I found 
was that I was still me, caught here between my beginning and end. I wanted to be closer to one and further from the other, 
but until then I will wait, stuck here in the middle.

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