Journal Entries by a Blackfoot: Entry 1   by: Pawaqa Blackhawk

    I am a witch. Plain and simple enough, am I right? How else would you
prefer I put it? Hmm? A devil worshiper? A horrible, sinful child? Would you
like it if I said it were alright that you save me? Sure. Hmm. What is there to
save? I am not this monster you seem to always believe. You see my position
as a sterotype. I am not all that you think when the word 'witch' comes into power.
It's all complicated, but since you people like things simplified, then I'll try to
sugercoat it for you. Plain and simple: I am a witch. I have powers. I see the future,
the past and secrets of the present. I cast spells for good. I love all who loves me.
I do not harm. I love. I rely on it, and hope for it. I am an American Indian. A
Blackfoot. I live in a community of my own. However, I welcome anyone who is
in good spirits into my community. I am open minded. I love all. I wonder why
these people -- possibly you -- hate me so just for being who I am. I am just at
one with nature, that's all. Now I will not preach about how you are supposed to
treat people like me. No. You will do whatever your cold heart desires. If you
please yourself hating and teasing me, then go right ahead and do it. But I will not
hate you for it. I will just stay clear of your kind. Your Kind; that does not describe
a specific race. I am not about race. I don't give a care if your skin is brown, black,
red, peach, gold or even green. You are welcome only if I am welcome in you.
Understand? That's what there is to me. Not all, but you get the picture, don't you?
Of course you do. If you didn't, you probably wouldn't have read this far into my
story. Oh, of course, you have to know a little more about me, yes. Such as what I
look like. Maybe even more than that. If you have the slightest interest in me, I suppose
you need that mental image. I was born October 31, 1985. Figures, huh? My parents
were Elijah and Marie Blackhawk. But I never knew them. Full blooded Blackfeet
Indians. You don't usually find them these days. It seems that there is always a mix in
the DNA. So you see, I am also full-blooded Blackfoot. That means I am a dark in my
skin and hair and eyes. You would see me with long flowing black hair and smokey
black eyes and golden skin. Now, I live with my grandparents, Pana and George
Blackhawk. Both are disabled. Grandma is blind and Grampa is deaf. But they are so
nice to me. They love me. And I love them. Grandma often speaks of the spirits that
visit her in dreams. She tells me that she can see such colors. You see, she has not
always been blind. Grandma was in the same car accident as my parents back in 1986.
They lost their lives. She lost her sight. But she gained much more, and that seems so
strange now and even then. Her relationship with her only grandchild grew to extraordinary
measures. We learned love together, once and again. Grampa, though deaf, would look
me in the eyes many times, and touch my face, to feel the vibrations in me. He has always
been deaf. He was born deaf. But he has learned how to live with it. He is an expert. Yet,
it is always so heart-wrenching to not hear him say 'I love you' when he really wants to. I
tell him I love him all the time. I know he can feel it, not hear it. He sees it. He holds me
and writes on his little piece of paper on his notebook, "I love you too, Pawaqa." I am
Pawaqa Blackhawk. I am a witch. I am a granddaughter. I am a daughter. I am a young
woman. I can see you. I can feel you. You are welcome in my life only if I am welcome
in yours. So tell me; how would you feel about another visit with me sometime? Are you
up for it? I sure am. Love, Pawaqa Blackhawk

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