GAFFES AND MISTRAKES submitted by D.Gillin

The following statements were actually taken from Church Bulletins
around the country.
1) Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
2) Thursday night--Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to
follow.
3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
community.
4) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
5) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth
of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north
ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7) Thursday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in
his private study.
8) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come
forward and lay an egg on the altar.
9) Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the
cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new
carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
10) The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind
and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
11) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church
hall. Music will follow.
12) Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
13) The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
14) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church
secretary.
15) 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
16) Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for
testes.
17) The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who
enjoys sinning to join the choir.
18) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
19) The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed
potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal
feel.
20) The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours."
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