DAFFYNITIONS (definitions) to enlarge your vocabulary

> DON'T READ THESE unless it's OK to laugh out loud! These first comments come from   test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students and compiled at the NEA Life Sciences Symposium, Kansas City,Kansas.  As the originator noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades." Please note that the original spelling has been left intact.
> > 1. "The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels,of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u." > > 2. "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state."
> > 3. "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
> > 4. "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube."
> > 5. "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."
> > 6. "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.   Hydrogin is gin and water."
> > 7. "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
> > 8. "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
> > 9. "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."
> > 10."The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
> > 11."Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."
> > 12."Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
> > 13."A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
> > 14."Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
> > 15."The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."
> > 16."The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
> > 17."A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."
> > 18."The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
> > 19."A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
> > 20."Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."
> > 21."Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
> > 22."Liter: A nest of young puppies.
> > 23."Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
> > 24."Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
> > 25."Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
> > 26."Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
> > 27."Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
> > 28."Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
> > 29."To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
> > 30."For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."
> > 31."For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered,then kill it."
> > 32."For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat."
> > 33."To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.

> Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\:
>> A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
>>
>> Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\:
>> What a bullfighter tries to do.
>>
>> Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\:
>> Where some hemlines fall.
>> Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\:
>> What a crook sees with.

>> Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers\:
>> Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
>>
>> Eclipse \i-klips'\:
>> What an English barber does for a living.
>>
>> Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\:
>> A clumsy ophthalmologist.
>>
>> Heroes \hee'-rhos\:
>> What a guy in a boat does.
>>
>> Left Bank \left' bangk'\:
>> What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.

>> Paradox \par'-u-doks\:
>> Two physicians.
>>
>> Parasites \par'-uh-sites\:
>> What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
>>
>> Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\:
>> A helper on the farm.

>> Relief \ree-leef'\:
>> What trees do in the spring.
>>
>> Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\:
>> What you do to relax your girlfriend.
>>
>> Seamstress \seem'-stres\:
>> Describes 250 pounds in a size six.
>>
>> Selfish \sel'-fish\:
>> What the owner of a seafood store does.
Dr. Earl Reum, Itinerant Sorcerer

Redefining Words ......
Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
<> Abdicate- v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
<> Carcinoma- n. A valley in California, notable for its heavy
smog.
<> Negligent- adj., describes a condition in which you
absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie.
<> Lymph- v To walk with a lisp.
<> Gargoyle - n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.
<> Bustard - n., a very rude Metrobus driver.
<> Coffee - n., a person who is coughed upon.
<> Flatulence - n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after
you are runover by a steamroller.
<> Marionettes - n., residents of Washington D.C. who have been
jerked around by the mayor.
<> Oyster - n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddish expressions.
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