REDNECK TEENAGER'S RULES OF ETIQUETTE:
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
3. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting
to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years
ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will
say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer,
it is the guy's responsibility to get her to school on time.
WHEN YOU BRING A GIRL HOME FOR DINNER
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
manners are.
THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can't hear you.
2. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is
loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always has the right of way.
3. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. 
                                    back to top
main / photos / jokes / stories / health / books / opinion / submissions / links / awards / e-mail to editor