REDNECK JOKES

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?

A documentary.
-------------------------------------------
How many rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum? Two.

One to eat and one to
watch for traffic.


--------------------------------------------


Why did God invent Armadillos?


So that Texas rednecks can have 'possum

on the half shell.
--------------------------------------------
Where was the toothbrush invented?


Oklahoma. If it was invented

anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.
--------------------------------------------
An Arkansas State Trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the
driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "'Bout what?"
-------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?


The

winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
--------------------------------------------
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock, Arkansas, burned
down? Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
-------------------------------------------
A new law recently passed in North Carolina:

When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.
--------------------------------------------
What's the best thing ever to come out of Tennessee?
I-40.
--------------------------------------------
Two Mississippians are walking down different ends of a street toward each
other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says "Hey Tommy
Ray,what'cha got in that thar' bag?" "Jus' some chickens." "If I guess how
many they are, can
I have one? "Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them." "OK.
Ummmmmmmm. . . five?"
--------------------------------------------
A Mississippian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door,
telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is
on fire!" "OK," replied the fireman, "How do we get there?" "Shucks, don't
you still have them big red trucks?"
-------------------------------------------
Why do folks in Kentucky go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?

Cuz 17 and under not admitted.
-------------------------------------------
REDNECK COMPUTER TERMS

BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down in the local tavern.
BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick.
BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.
CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps.
CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker.
CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers.
DISKETTE - Female disco dancer.
FAX - What you lie about to the IRS.
HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos. 
KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers.
MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.
NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.
ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.
SCREEN - Helps keep the Skeeters off the porch.
SUPERCONDUCTOR - AMTRAK's Employee of the Year.
SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear. ~ Thank you to "DonTravels" jokeseveryday.com

main / photos / jokes / stories / health / books / opinion / submissions / links / awards / e-mail to editor