Fun Things To Do On a Dinner Date
Warning: Actually doing any of the following will absolutely, positively guarantee that your
date will run quickly away from you screaming something about you being completely insane.
1. Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.
2.When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.
3. Repeat every third third word you say say.
4. Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.
5. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds. 6. Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.
7. Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.
8. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about himself/herself.
9.  Without asking, eat off of your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do.
10. Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.
11. Drool.
12. Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full, and spray crumbs. If a crumb lands anywhere near your date, pick up the crumb, put it in your mouth and say, "I'm all about conservation."
13. Beg your date to tattoo your name on their forearm. Keep bringing the subject up periodically throughout the meal.
14. Order your food by colors and textures. Sculpt.
15. Insist that the waiter cut your food into little pieces. In a similar manner, insist that he take a bite of everything to make sure no one has poisoned your food.
16. Bring a bucket along. Explain that you frequently get ill.
FOOT-IN-MOUTH COMMENTS FOR GUYS
There are LOTS more ways to ruin a date. For example, here are a
few things NOT to say...
* Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?
*Are those real? Probably not, because they are the same size as
my ex and she had hers done. Believe me, i would know. --submitted by Melissa Pottorff
* I used to come here all the time with my ex.
* I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I
wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
* I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to
consider it.
* I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use
this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
* I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you. 
* Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice
on the answering machine every hour.
* And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
* It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date
just won't be as smart as I am.  
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