POEMS      by K.T. Monteiro

"Dirty Boots"

You should wipe your boots.
They're dirty,
Covered in blood and soot.
Perhaps you stepped on my heart,
Lying on the ground in front of you.
It's broken all over now.
Broken into small, tiny pieces.
Perhaps if my lenses were clean,
Tear-Free,
I'd be able to see them.
But I can't.

Afterall, it is my fault that such fragile things are destroyed.
I probably shouldn't have given it to you,
Even when you asked and cried.
I don't know how long it will take for the pieces to reunite.
It could take days,
Or just overnight.
But I do know one thing,
And this thing will follow me til the day I die.
Don't forget to wipe your boots on the door mat
As I tell you good-bye.

You're always on my mind.  

Your smile is hot, your absence ice.
I see your eyes in every face.
I dream about your hair, pulled up or down,
In every which way.
I miss you, my Chico.
I wish I could have given you this salted kiss before you had to go.
You don't belong to me anymore unless you're here.
Unless you're near.
I wish it were different.
I really do.
But it seems your smile attracts not only me.
Your eyes could light up any girl's heart.
From here to California.
Your painful words could tear any iron heart apart.
From here to California.
It hurts to the bone.
I swear it does.
The betrayals.
The many boxing matches
And football games alone.
The ego shattering love.
You love me, I know you do.
I love you, you know I do.
Even though our hands are not siamese,
Connected by fingertips and sweet lips,
I'll still love you my dear.
From here to California.
You'll still have my smiles and my tears.
From Here To California...

I Thought I Told You

I thought I told you to leave me alone.
There's nothing you can do, so stop calling my phone.
I'm dead inside, a cold waste land of what was.
I wish I could say so just because.
My life is a waste, I'm too discouraged to tell you.
So I ignore you, trying not to kiss you.

I thought I told you when you left I was over.
There's no need for you to come or count your 4 leaf clovers.
There's no way that I can still be breathing.
Without you there is no living.

I thought I let you know
When you said you had to go
That I would slowly die of depression
Because I could not amount to your obessession.

I thought I assured you that I would turn red
When I used to call and you'd pretend to sleep in bed.
I loved your face and your green eyes.
I loved your smile, the way it used to shine.
I liked your little giggles and your suede shoes.
I liked watching you skateboard behind the shadows blue.

I thought you were aware that I'd parish.
I thought you understood I'd vanish.
I thought you comprehended my wrists full of slashes.
I thought I told in whispers how much I loved you.

Do You Remember  

Do you remember the last time we said hello
When the grass was green and the sky yellow?
Do you remember when we first kissed and hugged
When the rain against the window rubbed?
Well, for what it's worth, I remember all those things
I remember the way you laughed and singed.
I remember the way the wind alway blew your hair to the right
And the way you used to shiver against me on cold nights.
I remember the way you wrote with your left hand
And the way it used to get a cramp.
Do you remember the way my lips felt on yours?
Do you remember when we skipped
And laughed about awful tricks?
Do you remember when I brushed the hair out of your eyes
And when you wiped my tears when I cried?
Well, for what it's worth, I remember your voice.
I remember your warmth.
Did it matter that you were different from me?
Did it matter to you or me?
Did it matter that I was black and you were white?
Because all I remember was the light.
The light that shined through your eyes.
Did it matter that I was darker than you
By a shade or two?
Did it matter that the people were to us rude?
Because what mattered to me was the truth.
Do you remember the truth?
The truth is that I was happy when I was with...
You...

  I Feel Betrayed  

I feel betrayed.
Almost defeated.
I think I'm bleeding.

The only reason you talk to me is because of her.
As long as you find your way here, I am nonexistent.

I thought we were friends.
But in ways we're nothing more than people who have common classes.

You disgust me and I don't even want to be associated anymore.
I don't want to hate myself anymore.
Doubt myself.

She takes it every single time.
Takes everything.
Takes my friends.

Who will I talk to now that I can't trust you with my heart?
I hate you.

You betrayed me,
Shut me out and left me outside in the cold.

It's amazing how much better she is than me.
I may have the grades, the chance of college.
But she'll always have what I want.

I'm nothing compared to her.
I'm nothing compared to anyone.

I wonder what would happen if I died.
Right now.

Would you mourn?
Probably not.
Because,
Of course,
You'd still have my sister to laugh with.

The social butterfly sibling I could never compare to.
Grades and writing letters could never replace a smile that everyone loves.

What A Girlfriend Is Suppose To Say

I know you're hurt.
You can't hide it from me.
Doing so would be like hiding nine months of pregnancy.
I can see it in your green eyes.
I can see it in your plastic smile.
You're forcing it to get one in return,
But I'm not smiling. Something is wrong,
Something that hasn't been wrong in some time.
It's so terribly wrong.
You're lying to me when you say it's not.
But that's okay because I don't believe you.
Just stop telling me it's not 'cause it is.
It is what it is.
It's spinning out of control.
You can't stop this.
Not alone.
Just tell me why you're so hurt, so blue,
And I'll suffer with you.

LIES

I wonder what you would do if you found out
Everything I ever told you was a lie.
Would you hit me, would you cry?
It's just a game I play when I feel lonely.
It's just board game I play that forces you to keep me company.
I get so alone, so quiet, so to myself.
Sometimes, I just want to be somebody else.
I don't lie to make you upset.
Nor do I lie to break promises I swore to you I would keep kept.
I would never hurt you with a heart as cold as ice.
I would never purposefully sting you or warp your mind.
I love you too much to do that.
I want you to love me too.
That is the reason why I tell these lies to you.
But please forgive me, For the truth's not in me.
But please know that there is love
That worships you unconditionally.

Rejection

There is nothing like a solid no
That could make your world spin.
A look in the face, a jab in the nose.
A dagger to the back, a slice through the skin.
But then again it's just a word.
Just a decline to an asked verb.
But it hurts so bad to be shut down.
You can't even think. You can't even frown.
It's blue like your eyes, And white like your tears.
It's bright like the stars above, And black like your fears.
Rejection can not kill, though it may hurt.
It only makes you stronger, And raises your worth.

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